Osbourne: You know – man, you must be the fourth guest I have here talking about this fucking plant. 

Arroyo: It’s a lot smaller in here–

O: Yeah. 

A: –than it looks.

O: Yeah I get that a lot. Hey Pedro how’m I sounding?

Pedro: You’re good to go.

O: Perfect. We can jump right in. 

A: Sounds good.

O: Hey folks welcome to today’s podcast. We’re talking to Amy Arroyo, founder of the It’s a Green Life Horticultural Collective over in Arcata, where the Indigo Purple Vampire Fern has been missing now for what?

A: Six months.

O: Six months now. Damn, has it really been that long?

A: Yup.

O: Well, shit I don’t need to tell you.

A: (Laughs)

O: What’s with this fucking fern man? You know, I’m actually devastated. Yeah, I’m devastated. At first I was just like, well hey this is a pretty cool thing. Some cosmic, psychedelic shit.

A: It’s a beautiful thing.

O: But now I’m sad. Actually sad.

A: Well there’s a lot of us.

O: Yeah, well you were there. Or not there I guess– 

A: Yeah.

O: –when it happened. When those idiots in the whale suits busted in.

A: You know it’s still hard to think about. It felt like my baby and I failed to protect it. It plays through in my head constantly.

O: I can’t get the image of those fucks out of my head. I mean, it’s ridiculous, and it makes me laugh.

A: I know, it’s completely ridiculous.

O: Well so, where are you at right now with all of this? I checked online before this and nothing seems like it’s really changed.

A: The police say they may have some leads. It’s difficult, I’ve had to fight pretty hard to grow the profile of its case. At the end of the day, most law enforcement just thinks of it as another theft. You know, no one got hurt.

O: Right, well it is just a plant.

A: I guess, sure.

O: No, but I mean there’s some real shit out there. Stuff police have to take care of. You can’t just prioritize a plant.

A: Well–

O: I’m just saying that I get why. But it’s not like this is any normal thing.

A: No, right. I just think there’s a lot more to the fern. Answers we don’t get to know with it gone.

O: Have you guys searched for more of these things? There’s got to be another one. I mean, this is some alien stuff, so maybe not. But that seems hard to believe.

A: We’ve definitely looked and continue to. Arcata has been looked up and down. The forests are pretty dense. But yeah, nothing.

O: Do you have like, teams of people going out? Actually, you dealing with any weirdos? I feel like there has to be some weird-ass shit, people doing cult shit.

A: Yeah it’s been an issue for us lately. We were used to a certain kind of tourism, you know, the occasional fanatical and run-of-the-mill drug tripper.

O: You have tripped with the fern? 

A: (Laughs)

O: (Laughs) You’ve had to, right?

A: Yeah, I have.

O: Damn dude, wow. I’d love to do that with it. How was it? It tell you anything? (laughs).

A: You know, that stuff is always hard to explain. It seems unfair to retrofit the experience into words. But yeah, it was incredible. It didn’t talk to me, though (laughs).

O: Man I’d love to see that shit. 

A: Well you know, come out with us one day.

O: To look for more of these guys?

A: Yeah.

O: Or the stolen one. 

A: Both. 

O: I’m down. Really, I am. You don’t get it, I really do think this is some next-level stuff. Like the thread of life itself exposing itself to all of us. 

A: There’s great power in the fern. 

O: I believe it.

A: Did you ever come out to see it while it was in our facility?

O: No, my daughter was all over this thing too, like before the whale dudes. I’m bummed. 

A: Well hopefully you’ll get another chance. 

***

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