Orcas are dead. All of them. At some point humanity failed them. I can’t help but feel responsible. Not because I’ve ever had anything to do with killer whales, I’m just part of this gatekeeping creed (humanity) that failed them. It’s a strange helplessness. Planetary helplessness. As if humanity is a meteor that can’t help but continuously crash into Earth.
I’ve reached out to a few organizations to volunteer. Not that anything will bring the whales back. I just wanted to do something good and help other marine life from reaching the same fate.
I’m not making sense. None of this affected me until it happened. I didn’t even know they were that close to extinction. Why is it that things only matter once they’re done?
Before all this news, I told mom I dropped out of school. She wasn’t happy about it, but she didn’t say anything. All she said was that I must have a good reason for it. I thought I did, but I’m not sure anymore. I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. Growing up, I heard from so many adults that I had “potential.” Well now I’m living in the time where that potential is supposed to be something and I’m just not seeing it. Potential for what? What have people seen in me that I can’t see?
Amiwitchyy has created a beautiful work of art inspired by the mythic Vampire Fern.
It is now available via Solana. Check it out below!
Moe Osbourne: Hand me that.
Charles Alvarez: It’s the same thing really, better actually.
MO: I know (pouring sound into a cup), tunnels though? I don’t like things that hang over my head.
*Originally published in the Los Angeles Moment by Charles Folk*
Freyja, the final remaining killer whale on Earth, has died. Early yesterday morning in her sea enclosure located in Lofoten, Norway, the orca whale suffered cardiac arrest and perished, signifying the extinction of the species. The attending marine biologists and caretakers put out a collective statement honoring the whale.
“While Freyja was not able to reproduce and carry on her species, she lived a long and meaningful life. We hope that in her death, the world receives a parting message. This life is precious and ends for us all.”
The last known remaining orca whale, in captivity and the wild, Freyja was twenty-nine years old. However, while her death may represent the end of the orca, modern science has long held the solution to the future of the species.
The film is a crucial part of spreading the word about the mythic Indigo Purple Vampire Fern, and the filmmakers are ecstatic. The community gathered over the news in hopes that one day the Vampire Fern will be rescued.
August Moon, art critic and avid commentator on the fern, spoke of the accomplishment saying, “While the Vampire Fern remains beyond our midsts, for this brief moment I find respite. Many gratitudes to the festival organizers for sharing this story and contributing to what will hopefully one day mean the return of our beloved flora. For now, with the winning of this festival, may the legend live on.”
A special and heartfelt thank you to the festival organizers. Please follow Granting Wishes Studios and stay posted on their work. The GENESIS festival is just the beginning of their beautiful service to the film community.
Exciting news comes to the forests of the metaverse. I’m honored to announce that the Legend of the Vampire Fern short-doc has been accepted into the the GENESIS Film Festival!
Granting Wishes Studio runs the festival and has big plans for the screenings this April 15th and 16th. They have been gracious enough to give the Vampire Fern a larger platform in which we can share this important piece of folklore. Perhaps we may find the fern after-all.
If you would like to attend this metaverse event, please visit:
I don’t mind brushing my teeth in the morning but it seems silly to do it before I’ve eaten anything. I know this kid named Todd Kemp who used to live next door and he brushed his teeth as soon as he woke up, even before eating breakfast. It doesn’t make sense to me but everyone has their own way of doing things.
Mom’s taught me a lot about that. Most people can’t understand her so well because she’s part alien. She told me when I was four. She painted her nails with glow in the dark polish and told me that the reason why people can’t understand the way she talks is because she’s not from here. Really though, mom has cerebral palsy which means that the part of her brain that’s supposed to know how to move her body and talk and stuff is a little out of wack. Sometimes people think she’s deaf with the way she talks, but she’s always listening.
She pays the bills doing astrology readings. She’s a double Leo with a Libra moon which means that she’s got a lot of passion but knows how to keep her emotions balanced. It’s more complicated than that she says, but those are the basics.
I don’t know what my moon or double anything is. She said she won’t tell me until I turn sixteen because I don’t need to worry about any of that stuff yet. I should just live my life for now. She always knows a lot more than she ever tells me. I feel like she knows how my entire life will play out, but she does her best to hide it. I can see it in her eyes, a certain something for these things. She’s basically a psychic. An alien psychic.
With the Vampire Fern novel nearing completion, funds from the sale of the short documentary help with the publishing process. All whom hodlr the film token will get a little something special at the time of publishing.
Sometimes I practice dying, but not the serious kind. I close my eyes and do it slow and see how long I can last before taking in another breath. I’ll even make a sound like it’s the last life in me. Just a dead kid with dead eyes and a dead face. It’s one of the things I do before bed if I can’t sleep right away. I put off breathing as long as I possibly can and then poof. The first breath back in is always so urgent. Such a heavy heave and gasp for air. Impossible to slow. It’s not like I’m just going to let myself stop breathing. What’s the rush? I don’t know why I get so panicked about some things. Especially breathing. Why does even breathing worry me?
Tonight my eyes are heavy and the bed is cold. My feet are too. That’s why I usually wear socks to sleep, but not after the latest video of Underwater Clementine. One of my favorite characters laughed at another one for wearing his socks to sleep – so I stopped doing it. Sometimes I think about putting them back on, and I know it’s stupid that I don’t. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I can’t wear socks to bed anymore. I still definitely wear them when I go out into the world and school and stuff. It’s just my bed isn’t a place for socks anymore.
I sort of feel bad for socks now, like I abandoned them and don’t deserve to wear them again. I wish I could just apologize to some sort of council of socks and have them understand that it’s out of my control. I think that if I could do that then maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad about not wearing them anymore. Maybe if I did, I’d get to wear them again.
I love to sing to myself before falling asleep too. I can’t help it some nights. When I think about the other kids in fourth grade, I can’t see them singing to themselves. It’s not any real song that you’d hear on the radio – and definitely not like one of mom’s woo woo songs in Sanskrit – which I can’t understand. Even if I knew how to speak Sanskrit, I don’t think I’d suddenly like the music she plays during her astrology readings and yoga classes. I usually sing about the things I’m thinking about, like:
Osbourne: You know – man, you must be the fourth guest I have here talking about this fucking plant.
Arroyo: It’s a lot smaller in here–
A: –than it looks.
Taken from the teleprompter records of Ferdinand Foster’s nightly primetime cable news broadcast ‘Facts with Ferdinand’
What’s with this Vampire Fern?
It seems a though the nation has a new thing to talk about. That’s right a plant is gone and the Internet has new a new thing to Tweet about. Okay, to pull back a bit, if you haven’t heard. There is a plant that you can’t take a photo of, and it’s gone. In some ways, this is a deeper blow to Internet users than climate change.
Something like a heart has been ripped out of teens across the nation. The plant they could never see on their social media feeds to begin with - has been stolen, ripped away from its home in Arcata, California, a small college town on the Pacific Coast. It exists, they say, this plant. But for reasons scientists can’t explain, it doesn’t show up in photos or videos. This is where it got its name, the Indigo Purple Vampire Fern. Vampire, yes as in Vampires who can’t see their own reflection. It’s very clever, and supposedly very real.
Many artists have spent time with the Vampire Fern and rendered their experience of it in an effort to capture its likeness. Because no camera can capture its image, these artworks help us to better comprehend the nature of the fern.
Artist Bluesapphire has spent some time with the mythic plant and has made it available to collect on OpenSea!
We moved. Not out of Monterey, but out of the apartment and into a house. An actual house. I miss the apartment but I said a little something to it before we left. My room was empty and I laid on the floor and closed my eyes and tried to remember everything that happened there. I don’t think I remember anything before I remember that apartment. I was too young to remember what it was like in Maine. I think I was a year old when we came here to where mom is from.
After I remembered everything, which didn’t take long, I told the room that I would miss it and that it was a great place for my plants.
It’s been a while since Purple got lost in the ocean. I know he would have liked to say a few words. I thought about what he might have said, and then said that to the room too.
Before I left, I wrote something on the bottom corner of the closet. I don’t think anyone would see it unless they were really looking for it. I was sure to write small. We even had a substitute once that told me to redo my vocab worksheet because I wrote too small for her to read. That didn’t seem fair. I can’t control what people’s eyes can see. Plus, she was a substitute and not my real teacher anyway.
I don’t think I’ve ever really felt proud of myself before. Is that what this is? Am I proud? I won the science fair as a freshman. That feels weird to write. Does it matter that I beat out the seniors too?
Even weirder to write.
It’s not so easy for me to say. Maybe this is what narcissism is. Could it be? How could anyone know something like that about themselves?
It’s hard to say if I'm just confusing myself or if I’m actually getting a look at the nature of things. What I can say is that sometimes I don’t know whether the things I think about are good or bad. Useless or useful. Good or evil.
The Legend of the Vampire Fern Mini-Doc has been launched. See what the locals and Vampire Fern lovers have to say about the disappearance of their beloved flora.
*Pulled from Ep. 1123 of the Moe Osbourne Podcast
Osbourne: …this watch though is a piece of shit. The only reason I keep it is because it’s this point I prove to myself. Do you have things like that? Do you know what I mean? Like, I keep this watch because it doesn’t always work and because it’s a piece of shit.
Ōe: Because of a memory of some kind?
Osbourne: No, well, kind of I guess. More of a reminder. Like, I don’t even need a watch. I have my phone.
*Originally published in an edition of Art & Times Magazine*
I won’t pretend that what I’m about to say won’t sound absurd. In fact, I will lean into whatever absurdity there is as if it is my cane, and without it, I’d have no navigable means through the world. Yes, there is nothing like the Indigo Purple Vampire Fern, and there are no words that aptly describe it. Perhaps that is exactly how the fern would have it. Illusive, mythic, dare I say – otherworldly.
For those uninitiated, the Vampire Fern is a supernatural plant that refuses to be seen in any image. Yes, no camera – be it film or digital, moving or still – can capture its appearance. In-person, there it is in its stunning ineffable aura (more on that later), but point your phone at it and open your camera app, and poof, gone. Nothing but whatever uninspired objects lie behind it.
*For Immediate Release - October 1st*
ARCATA, CA - During the early morning hours of October 1st, the Arcata Police Department received multiple calls voicing concerns of a disturbance at the Arcata Community Greenhouse located at [address redacted]. Two officers arrived at the location to discover that the back gate had been blown open by what appears to be a localized explosive. Upon further investigation and corroboration with the greenhouse's owners, the Indigo Purple Vampire Fern is missing. No other plants or belongings appear to have left with it, but some show signs of distress having fallen from hanging receptacles.
CCTV [image included below] confirms that the terracotta pot housing the fern was stolen by two unidentified robbers. It is important to note that the Vampire Fern cannot be seen in any image. However, it is clear that while invisible on CCTV monitors, the fern impacted its physical environment as the robbers left with the pot. This explains the receptacles on the ground.
The Legend of the Vampire Fern is officially here. Over the coming months this serialized story - including essays, transcripts, comic strips, and digital art - will be released each week. Created in fragments, each installment of the narrative is designed to reveal another piece of the mythic puzzle.